Finally turning the corner

Today is Monday April 10, also known as INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT DAY. Go find out what it is, and then start one of your own.

You may have noticed that the last few weeks haven’t been great for me. Each week bad things keep happening, and each week I keep saying things are going to get better, and then they get worse. Everyone has problems, and frankly the only thing worse than being hit again and again and again is whining about them. So you know what? Fuck it. (Sorry, Mom, but it had to be said.) From now on, for as long as we have, the Hyperion Institute is going to be nothing but non-stop good times. (Like that night that Pat Robertson, Patricia Ireland got thrown out of the strip club.)

First, a couple of home-page notes. You’ll notice that International______Day and Hyperion Rants have been added to the Navigation on the right side. Intnernational_______Day believes every day is a holiday. Hyperion Rants will contain audio clips of me ranting about whatever. The first few will be old columns (so let me know if there is something you want), but new material soon to come.

Over on the left you’ll see links to previous weeks, in case you haven’t visited in awhile. My plan is to put each day of the week up there too, once it’s completed. I guess we’ll see how together I really am.

The last note before I jump into today is to apologize for not having the NCAA tournament pool results up last Tuesday. I just wasn’t into celebrating, and I beat the rest of those until they cried like Adam Morrison.

Final Standings

First Place (earning a column on whatever you want and a character named after you in the next year-long story): Death to the Muppet Babies - 874

Second Place (earning a Top Ten List ): What Would Dale Murphy Do? – 323

The rest:

Beast Daddy and the Funktown Five – 298

The Stabbers – 298

The Lollypops - 242

The Gumpyliscious One – 242

Bethany’s Buckeye Pimps – 202

Wrong Side of the Tracks - 162

One Angry Dwarf and 200 Big East Fans - 146

Jake the Snake’s Shake and Bake – 123

Whistling Belly Button Trick – 115

Tobias and Lady Jane Scarlett For-eva! – 75

It just occurred to me that Sunday is Easter. I’m pretty famous for my Easter columns, so in addition to each day’s material I thought I’d run a past Easter column. (And if I get my act together, maybe I’ll even write something new.)

Today’s is from 2001, and I’m majorly ashamed at how bad it was, so I’m not making the link very big, but if you’re interested (or at least want to laugh at me), you can check out #33 Cain and Abel: an Easter Story.

I’ve noticed that the home page attendance is bigger than ever, but most of you aren’t clicking on the day’s material. I’m not sure why that is. It’s been suggested to me that I put whatever I have each day (movie review, top ten list, column, naked pictures of me and a whale) on the home page. It may come to that. For now, We’ll try the excerpt path to see if that helps.

The opening credits of LUCKY NUMBER SLEVIN creeped me out. Then Bruce Willis showed up, talking in that Bruce Willis voice, and I almost got up and left. About that time, Bruce kills someone. I sat back down, mildly intrigued. Then Josh Hartnett shows up, and I almost left again. Then Josh Hartnett reveals to Lucy Liu how trouble comes in threes: 1) He lost his job; 2) His apartment was condemned do to an infestation of rare Guatemalan termites; 3) Upon journeying to his girlfriend’s place, he found her banging his best friend; 4) He just got mugged, which has broken his nose. (When Lucy Liu points out he's named four things, Slevin remarks, “What can I say? I’m on a roll….”)

“Bad Things Happen to Josh Hartnett” is a great concept for a movie. In fact, that should have been the title. With no more wishywashiness on my part, I was in.

Fore more, see Hyperion’s review of LUCKY NUMBER SLEVIN.

Today brings us a brand new Evil Kitty of the Realm, or S.K.I.T.T.L.E. Her site is pretty new, and I didn’t know if I could in god conscience recommend it to my readers. Then I perused her archives, and ran across her first two posts:

First Blog

Buck Rogers has nothing on me. I'm now in the 21st century with the rest of the world, and have not much to say.

If a blank blog is not written in the forest, and nobody is there to read it, is it still a blog?

Second Blog

I'm already having first blog anxiety. Was I funny enough? Will the one person who reads this be amazed or confounded by my lack of brilliant insights on the nature of man, beast and Volkswagons?

Personally, I think in the past 15 minutes, my writing has improved a thousand fold, so this 2nd blog will go down in the annals of my blog as far superior to the 1st.

But it's the catchy end phrase that actually makes it. And even though this one isn't's the thought that counts.

I was hooked. Ladies and gentlemen, the next member of the Sexy Kitten International Termination Team (Lesbians Encouraged) is Sara of Schrodinger’s Kitten. (Even the name cracks me up, although probably only if you’re a sciece nerd will you find it funny as well.) I give her code name: Fluffy.


Schrodinger's Kitten said...

Actually, I think that's a bunny. Not that I'm a nit-picker.

Cheryl said...

Sara's the best--good choice! And good bunny!

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Sweet 2nd place. I'm thinking of my top 10 list now.