Can't Spell

Welcome, Friends, to a new week!

First, a couple of announcements. I am going to make a concerted effort to answer all comments made on home page with comments of my own in response (and if it's really good, I may even write you an email, or call you "Cracker Jack"). The Hyperion Institute historically doesn't get a very high comment rate, but all that's going to change. (Unless you want to make Baby Jebus cry!)

I'm also going to try to put more content here on the home page, as well as where the material would normally go. Of course, HyperionX, Hyperion After Dark, Monkey Barn and Alligator Pit can't really go on this page, but I'll do my bestest.


Proving my good faith effort....

On July 28 Monkey Barn hosted an Art Show. Today I have collated all the paintings into one spot. Here they are if you didn't catch them the first time, or want to see them again

Proving my good-faith effort Part 2......

The Following is an actual conversation I had with Kaida over the weekend. Normally this would go in The Alligator Pit.

Kaida: I was over at Carla and Ian's tonight to watch a movie.

Me: Really?

[You have to understand: Carla and Ian are good people, but they have the worst--and I mean worst--taste ever (Ever!) in movies. Is it important what kind of taste people have in movies? More on that another time.]

Anyway, I steeled myself not to react to whatever she said. Every week Kaida comes back with a report that she's watched some god-awful movie like She's the Man, and I always flip out and have a cow. This time I was determined not to react.

Me: (feigning nonchalance) How was your time?

Kaida: Great!

Me: Yeah? Uh, what did you have to drink.

Kaida: Diet Orange Crush. That might be my favorite drink.

Me: And to eat?

Kaida: Carla made me a chocolate cake. At least, I think she made it. I'm not sure. It was good.

Me: (deep breath, as my stomach clenches like I just ate some bad shrimp), and what movie did you see?

Kaida: Failure to Launch

Me: (in a small quiet strangled voice) I wasn't ready.


I don't remember how, but the conversation went to words that are hard to spell, and you don't want 'em. Eventually we made a top ten list. (Thanks to Kaida for the help.)


Honorable Mention: Flaccid - Not all that difficult to spell, but men don't want it, and women don't want men to get it, or so I'm told.

#10 Tuberculosis - My friend Doc H. had TB; just horrible.

#9 Fibromyalgia - It sounds like you're eating a lot of bran, but instead you're just in pain.

#8 Syphilis - On the plus side, it's sort of a fun word to say.

#7 Hydrophobia - That water's a scary thing!

#6 Myocardial Infarction - Every time I hear this word is sounds like "Fart"

#5 Carcinoma - Doesn't he host that late night show?

#4 Gonorrhea - Basically, anything that ends in "rrhea" is not good.

#3 Candidiasis - If you're brave (and I mean BRAVE), here's a picture of what it looks like. I urge not to look; it almost unmanned me. (And I ain't ever baking bread if that's what's involved.)

#2 Anhedonia/Anorgasmia - I think I speak for everyone when I say you DEFINITELY don't want this.

and the number one word you don't want....

Chlamydia - I put this #1 not only because it's hard to spell and you don't want it, but because it's such a beautiful word. Every time I think about it I get angry the word means something so vile. I say we come up with a new word for Chlamydia, and make the word "Chlamydia" mean something nice, like say that time of night when the sun has gone down and the sky is splashed with the most beautiful colors. Who's with me?

[This list and many other fine Rankings can be found at RANK EVERYTHING]


My Aunt Delilah sent me this picture last week, and I posted it on Monkey Barn without giving her credit. I told her to make up for my gaffe I'd give her home page props. It truly is awesome (click for full size)


Skittles said...

why don't you earthlings spell words as they sound? you are a fickle lot!`

Unknown said...

I always thought I was a good speller until last night. Sheesh!

tiff said...

Hyperion - You can safely make bread....just remember that you only need to hire the thrush-infested person for the spitting-into-the-dough part, and that can take place very quickly in a back alley. Or, you know, go BUY some yeast someplace, because bread made with candida? Not so tasty.

Hyperion said...

Dominique - Isn't a Fickelot a small flute?

Kaida - Don't be so hard on yourself. You were never a good speller.

Tiff - But what if the yeast I buy gets "infected"? I've heard of this possibility, and it scares me. As for "Candida," did you misspell that word in honor of the day's title, or are you like Kaida?

tiff said...

sigh - Hyperion, I may not have capitalized it correctly, but it's spelled right. Let me know if you need to know why you're not right. Again.

Tracy Lynn said...

Generally, your spelling is atrocious, Hyperion, so cast not stones, my Glass Canadian.
That's right, you heard me. If there was no spellcheck, you would be DOOMED.

Hyperion said...

Tiff - You spelled Candida correctly, huh? That's going to be news to about 30 million people. Prepare for a lot of angry letters. (Candadidians don't fight, but they put paper to pen!)

Tracy Lynn - I'm a very good speller, although I'm not anal about it. I admit to many typos on my site, but this is more a product of how much content I produce in a given day, and a lack of competent intern-help. Tobias can't spell for beans, and while I like things to look good, a column NOW with a few mistakes is better than a perfect column next week, in the go-go internet world.

Sea Hag said...

If you didn't know what it was, Chlamydia would be a pretty girl's name.

Skittles said...

Hyperion - you so know better than to use such lingo back.

Sea Hag - I agre - interesting.

tiff said...

Hyperion - stop being dense on purpose! I was taling about the organism that causes thrush in people who are immunocompromised. It's called Candida. In the case of the picture you posted, Candida albicans.

Sea Hag - My FIL was a guidance counselor, and he would come home with great names of the kids - my favorites were "Lasagna" and "Octavon." I don't believe there was ever a kid named after an infectious organism, though.

Hyperion said...

Sea Hag - When I was working at Delta there was a rumor that one of the women had originally named her child that.

Dominique - Don't mess with me or I'll use my Ninja skillz on you.

Tiff - I'd rather be dense on purpose than dense all the time like you.

My friend Bear used to go to school with twin girls named Lemonjello and Orangello (pronounced le-MON-jel-oh and oh-RON-jel-oh)