Dark Orchid

Today in the Monkey Barn Interviews we talk to the beautiful pirate Lady Jane Scarlett.


I want to iterate--strongly!--this is not a meme. I abhor the use of meme for what is just a copied list.

For that matter, copying lists from other people's sites is lazy, but I'm feeling weird, so what the hell. This has made the rounds lately, but I got it from Kaply Inc.

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet and current street name)

Ginger Roundtree - This sounds more like a porn name

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your mom's side, your favorite candy)

Wiley Mamba - This sounds pornish too. Still, I like the idea of Wiley Mamba. Sexy

3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your middle name)

H Rum - not that great.

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Periwinkle Falcon - If that's not a detective name, I don't know what is.

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)

Rumplestiltskin Jurachenal - sounds more like my Vampire name. I'm starting to think we need to come up with our own codification.

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 2 letters of mom's maiden name and first 3 letters of the town you grew up in.)

Conhy DoAff - That sucks. I read once it's the first three letters of your first name and the first car you drove, which would give me Hyp Le Sabre. Now that's a Star Wars name!

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (your favorite color, favorite drink)
Dark Orchid Smurf Blood - Sigh. I guess I was born to fight for the Legion of Doom

[This post--and others like it--can be found--for the time being--on The Alligator Pit. I may well get rid of that thing soon, so enjoy it while you can.]

Announcements: Still early on in my quest to answer every comment on the home page, but so far it's going fairly well. If you have a problem, and you'd like to leave it, you will be answered. And you will like it! Taking a page from my good friend (and contract-bridge patner) Kapgar, The Hyperion Institute will now post on Saturdays and Sundays. The posts are already written, and trust me, they are nothing major. Just small items that hopefully will bring you back on the weekend. (I probably won't even send out a Notify List; haven't decided yet.) Saturday we'll be looking at which Hillary would make the best president, and Sunday I tell the true story of how I was outed by a 20 year old Indian.


I have this huge list of MOVIES I'M ASHAMED I HAVEN'T SEEN, and I've been whittling it down. Every year I reprioritize. I'd tell you the list, but I'm ashamed, so obviously I'm not in a hurry to advertises. Let's just say my list is probably shorter than yours (or would be, if you had any shame, which you don't, you weasels).

Anyway, I saw two over the weekend, and wrote short reviews for you.

Movie-Hype00679 - MEAN STREETS

Call it “Boyz in the Italian Hood,” circa 1973. Early Martin Scorsese story of a few quasi-criminals, perhaps dreaming of life higher up in the actual Mafia, perhaps just dreaming of something more. (Then again, you don’t have to be ethnic to be a slacker 20-something, but it always seems more interesting.) These kind of “realer than real life” films always date poorly after about a decade, and MEAN STREETS suffers this same fate. Perhaps because of less violence, MEAN STREETS never developed the cult following of GODFATHER, SCARFACE, or even Scorsese’s own TAXI DRIVER, but the skill of the young filmmaker as he captures the flavor of the times is evident.

MEAN STREETS is clearly an inspiration for many later films and filmmakers (and kudos to my sister who noticed that the ironic ‘50s soundtrack was awfully Tarantino-esque), but I couldn’t call it required viewing for any but movie buffs. However, the wonderful performance by a young Harvey Keitel and a then-unheralded Bobby De Niro make it worth the time. In fact, that might be the lasting impact for me; seeing how incredible a young De Niro was, and then immediately after turning TBS for ANALYZE THAT to see how far he’s fallen. How could arguably the greatest actor of his generation just quit caring?

Movie-Hype00680 - ALEXANDER NEVSKY

Considered one of the greatest war/propaganda films ever made, I’ve been itching to see this for years. Strangely, it’s hard to find this 1938 Russian black and white classic. (Go figure.) I have to admit the film dates about as poorly as possible. (I guess that not very many prints survived the war in Russia.) The translation is so horrible that it’s at least a 97 on the Unintentional Comedy Scale. This made the process bearable: I was in total Mystery Science Theater mode, and I don’t think I’ve ever been funnier in my life. I repeatedly have to stop the movie to whack my sister on the back as she choked with laughter.

The reason to watch NEVSKY is a famous battle that takes place on ice. This was an actual battle between the Russian peasants and the Teutonic Knights. Historians don’t agree on every detail, but apparently the battle actually did happen. Phenom director Sergei Eisenstein shows as much skill as you’ll ever see in the massive undertaking. (That it was filmed in 1938 makes the endeavor almost breathtaking.) Even more important historically was how NEVSKY got used. Originally the film was banned, as Russia had a non-aggression pact with Hitler. Once the Germans broke this Stalin required ALEXANDER NEVSKY to be shown in every movie theatre in Russia, to rouse the populace. I have to say, it’s effective. Never have I wanted more to pick up a scythe and go kill some evil Germans. (At one point, the hypocrite German priests throw babies into a fire!) Just as important: how funny I was. I’m thinking of hiring myself out to watch ALEXANDER NEVSKY with people. What a way to spend two hours.


Tracy Lynn said...

Finally, something to read on the weekends!

Schrodinger's Kitten said...

Your favorite color is periwinke? I can't be making enough fun of you...must make more fun...must...

Hyperion said...

Tracy Lynn - Sadly, it's not bathroom reading material....or is it?

Schrodinger - Periwinkle is a sweet color. It's not my fault the name sounds a little fem. It's just one of many words that I want to rename. (This would make a good column). If anything, I'm even MORE of a man for being secure enough in my manlinness to admit it.

tiff said...

nice new quote - CS Lewis, correct? except open the cage is substituted for ring the bell, in one way or another...

kapgar said...

Tracy! For shame! Like I don't give you something to read on weekends? Sniffle.

Contract bridge, eh? When's the next one?

Hyperion said...

Tiff - Thanks for outing me. Actually, I should have given attribution, but it slipped my mind.

Kapar - The next tourmanent is over Labor Day. Actually, now that I think about it, an online card tourmanent for the Barners would be sweet.