In a Tiff

The weekend was horrible, but the morning was going to go better, right? I turned on cable news. Big mistake.

If, somewhere in the course of your day, you run into people who complain that the Karr guy ate shrimp on the plane over, feel free to beat them. I’ve already talked at length about the Ramsey situation in last week’s HyperionX, and won’t say more on that, but honestly: how stupid are people? First of all, how are our lives improved by knowing what someone ate on a plane, no matter who they are? Secondly, why report it again and again and again? Grrrrr.


I better calm down, or this will turn into a HyperionX right in front of us.

The main reason the outrage is so stupid is because one could easily think it through. You can’t fly someone like that in ecnomy for a trans-oceanic flight. He’s a security risk, and you may need to move quickly. It’s easier to monitor and controll him with fewer people, and it’s easier to stay glued to him when there’s more room. Add all that up and it spells Business Class, where—guess what?—there’s shrimp to eat.

I hate all people.


The Monkey Barn Interviews continue. Today it's Tiff.


I looked at my numbers, and couldn’t believe it.

Saturday was super high, and Sunday we set a record for the Institute, as far as actual visitors is concerned.

What’s the deal?

Turns out it’s all about Brittany Bratt.

Miss Brittany Brat was recently crowned Miss Nude Australia. (I didn’t even know they had a competition like that, but I’d be open-minded and watch.)

Early Saturday morning I posted a British magazine’s top 100 bodies for 2006. I commented that I didn’t like how big the fake breasts were, unnatural on the small girls (larger breasts go for larger women), but that of all the too-large breasted women, Brittany Bratt pulled off having large breasts the best.

Then what happened?

People typed in “Brittany Bratt” and possible Miss Nude Australia into search engines, and low and behold, came up with Monkey Barn. How’d did they come up with Monkey Barn? You got me. The only time I’ve ever been on Page 1 of a Google Search before was for Graitch.

The dilemma then came: should I do my best to mention Brittany Bratt every chance I get, hoping to get more hits, and hoping that some of those visitors (the ones not pissed off about the lack of boobalicious pictures) would come back?

I seriously considered it. But I felt like whore, and decided that, no matter the temptation, that kind of thing just wasn’t for me.

Now, if anyone wants to send me pictures of Jessica Alba naked, I’ll make sure I give you credit on my site for sending me the nude pictures of Jessica Alba.

It’s the least I can do.

[The preceding is a post from The Alligator Pit. Today is the last day for that site, so you might want to visit, check it out a bit. Sniff sniff]

Finally, I have another HyperionX. I promise I'm much calmer than last week. I promise to limit the swears. I promise not to froth at the mouth. I do not promise to avoid consigning certain people to hell, but I'll try:

HyperionX960 - The Pile Grows Evermore


Anonymous said...

Hey, I got the pics of Jessica Alba (and Brittany Bratt´s too).

Send me an email.

Tobias the River Midget said...

Kernel - What's your email address?

Anonymous said...

Myself and a buddy have been amasing a collection of Brittany Bratt pics and 1 Vid, email me at if you'd like copies.
Brittay is not a former miss nude Australia, she's a dancer in Melbourne.

Anonymous said...

Brittany Bratt is from the Gold Coast and she is definitely a former Miss Nude Australia. I was at the competition. She was also the winner of Miss Hooters and actually worked at Hooters in Florida, and a Miss Hawaiian Tropic runner-up. She isnt a dancer in Melbourne,but I have seen her do Penthouse Pet appearances at strip clubs.

Anonymous said...

Brittany Bratt has apparently recently gotten married and honeymooned in Europe and the US. Apparently she married one of her serurity guards! Too bad to all those other unluckly guys. I shed a tear!