So's Yer Mama


"There are no absolutes in Life. Only in Vodka."

-Detective Mike Kellerman (from Homicide: Life on the Street)




Today is September 16, which Rick calls International So's Yer Mama Day. Oedipus would be proud.

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Two hilarious articles from The Straight Dope to look at:

Who gets more pleasure from Sex (Men or Women)?

Can the Vacuum Clearn hurt your Penis?


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[This is a column from back in the day. Recently I have been doing Movie Prequels in my head, and I remembered I had actually written a column about it. If you think of any, leave them in the comments. Anything worthy will actually be added (with credit) over on the Chronicles Page of #35]



#35 In the beginning, there was money

As most of you know, a couple of years ago, George Lucas released another Star Wars movie. Only, instead of another sequel to the holy trilogy, this one was a prequel, a movie that comes before the others. Hollywood, being the monkey-see, monkey-do folks that they are, have rushed to make all sorts of prequels; some advised and some not. Thanks to many of my loyal readers who sent them in, I have been able to compile a list of prequels that will be coming to a theater near you. I have the answers listed below, but see how many of the movies you can tell what the prequel is for. Give yourself 10 cool points for fifteen correct without looking, and 50 cool points for twenty-five without a peek. If you get all thirty, you are not doing enough with your life.

MOVIE PREQUELS

1. A Really Big Cup of Coffee in Seattle

2. Dr. Kevorkian and the Poets Society

3. Iron and Carbon Magnolias

4. Malcolm IX

5. Scabface

6. Ben-Him, the Transvestite

7. Grove of Trees Gump

8. Miss Daisy gets a DUI

9. Waking up Hungry at Tiffany’s

10. “What do I do with this really bad Secretary?”

11. The Undergraduate

12. Apocalypse in a Few Minutes

13. Prince Kong's Father Dies

14. Third Trimester of a Nation

15. A Clockwork Red and a Clockwork Yellow

16. Tequila Shots with Wolves

17. Seven Years of Dandruff

18. The Jedi has Left the Building

19. Left Your Keys in the Future

20. Who Took Roger Rabbit’s Picture?

21. Saturday Afternoon Aches and Pains

22. Really Bad Case of Indigestion on Elm St.

23. Thursday the 12th

24. Annie, Get Your Background Check and Five Day Waiting Period

25. Taking Nyquil with the Enemy

26. Legal Immigrant Kane

27. Ugly Woman Gets a Makeover

28. Seven Brothers Ask Seven girls to Marry Them

29. Strip, Sand, and Varnish Your Wagon

30. Laryngitis of the Lambs


ANSWERS

1. Sleepless in Seattle

2. Dead Poets Society

3. Steel Magnolias

4. Malcolm X

5. Scarface

6. Ben-Hur

7. Forrest Gump

8. Driving Miss Daisy

9. Breakfast at Tiffany’s

10. Terminator (Terminate Her)

11. The Graduate

12. Apocalypse Now

13. King Kong

14. Birth of a Nation

15. A Clockwork Orange

16. Dances With Wolves

17. The Seven Year Itch

18. The Return of the Jedi

19. Back to the Future

20. Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

21. Saturday Night Fever

22. Nightmare on Elm St.

23. Friday the 13th

24. Annie, Get Your Gun

25. Sleeping with the Enemy

26. Citizen Kane

27. Pretty Woman

28. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

29. Paint Your Wagon

30. Silence of the Lambs



See ya on the open trail,

Hyperion
April 17, 20001

[If you liked this column, you can find others like it at The Hyperion Chronicles. You must have a quarter to use one of the shopping carts.]

1 comment:

'Jax said...

I missed Terminator, Seven Year Itch, and Saturday Night Fever.

I feel shame. Though I'll be first in line when 'Snakes On A Jetway' comes out.