Hallow's Eve Eve

When I realized I was not going to be online last week to ramp up the Halloween Festivities, I turned to Tiff, asking her to spearhead not one but two concurrent week-long Monkey Barn stories. She did a great job, and thanks to all those who participated. (And a giant pox on all those who didn't. May sand fleas infest your underwear.)

The way it worked was that when a Monkey Barner would sign up for a chapter, Tiff would send her a picture, with the instructions to continue the story as she saw fit. (I use the pronoun "she" not to be politically correct, but because the Monkey Barn men let me down like the third Matrix movie. Kapgar at least wrote to explain he was starting a new job, but I heard the other three men spent the week drunk.)

The story titles came from books in one of my favorite "scary" children's series, which started with the immortal Bunnicula. Maybe I can get my act together and review all those. Anyway, after five satisifying days both stories are done. I have copied them all together in one place. If you missed them last week, please take a look. Even if you read along faithfully, here's your chance to read them again, collated as whole works.

I present:



(I very much want to present my own Halloween stories, which last Friday hopefully made clear I am somewhat famous for. However, with limited Internet access still it's an iffy thing. If you have a scary story you would like publish, please send it in)

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It occurs to me that I do not review a lot of scary or "horror" films, which bothers me inasmuch as I now struggle to give you some rental recommendations for any Halloween parties.

For fun Halloweeny I would recommend HELLBOY. It's not scary at all, but the main character is red with horns. (Plus: I wrote a great review with a very clever title, which I just now realized didn't make the transfer from HyperionX to Movie-Hype, but if you read the entire review and then email me, I'll let you know what the clever title was.)

One Monster Action Movie I DO NOT recommend is VAN HELSING. In fact, I'm not even going to link the review, so as to keep you from getting ideas.

Along those lines, I am definitely not linking my review to SAW, one of the most overrated movies I saw (hee hee) the last two years. If you like some movie you have to think through with some gore in it, try SUSPECT ZERO. It's not the best movie ever, but not a bad rental. In that same column I reviews THE SKELETON KEY, which was surprisingly decent, and fine for teenage girls, and mentioned two classics: CLUE and YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN. Now, you want a holiday treat, you can't go wrong with those. In fact, you rent one of those two and I'll write you a poem on the home page.

(Note: I realize that people can access reviews I refuse to link by going to Movie-Hype themselves, but anyone lazy enough to enjoy a movie like SAW lacks the initiative to do even that.)

If you're looking for something for the kids, I reviewed the two Tim Burton claymation films (THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHIRSTMAS and CORPSE BRIDE), as well as the infinitately better and all around awesome movie WALLACE AND GROMMIT: CURSE OF THE WERE RABBIT. What a delightful find that was. Totally recommended for the entire family.

For the college ages out there, you should try MAY, a quirkily different horror film. If you can find it, BATTLE ROYALE is a totally different kind of horror film, if no less scary in its own weird way. (There is also SCARY MOVIE 4, which I am linking only because of the quote I have, which always cracks me up.)

If you're looking to gain some insight (psychologicall) into the nature of violence, you might try A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE, or better yet, MONSTER.

Finally, if you're looking for Old School, they Carey Grant farce ARSENIC AND OLD LACE is a fun option.

I realize I should have some NEW reviews for you, so I promise to do my best to give you a coupjle of unheralded opportunities tomorrow to make your Halloween party cool as can be. See you then.

4 comments:

tiff said...

I cannot agree more on Van Helsing. What a terrible waste of time that was, even WITH the delicious costars and occasional comic relief.

Hellboy? I think you're the only other person in the world who has seen that movie besides me. Good pick!

Chelle said...

Nope Tiff--- Saw Hellboy too.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (old school) also good.

Sea Hag said...

I saw Hellboy too!

Also, I own 'Clue' on DVD, so I should get 2 poems!

Wordnerd said...

"[B]ut because the Monkey Barn men let me down like the third Matrix movie..." may be the best line. Ever.