Evil David Hasselhoff

November is National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), something I did two years ago. Because of that , I was able to write My novel last year, which many of you enjoyed. I have decided to try and get that novel published, but because it was written episodically, much editing and possible rewriting will need to take place.


In honor of NaNoWriMo, I am presenting my novel again, before I take it down off my site. If you are new in the last year, here is your chance! If you read it last time, wasn't it good enough to read again? And if you refused to read it before (Koz, et al, I'm looking in your direction), this is your very last chance to avoid my bad side for ever and ever. (EVER!)


Each day I will link a new chapter, and you can see what you think. Because we head into a long weekend, I will start with three.


THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE ADVENTURES OF FAGIN DUPREE


The Prologue was actually written back in 2004, as a Halloween story, and served as the launching point for the entire book. When I wrote it I meant to be just a self-contained story, having no idea what would come: PROLOGUE: 14 WORDS


In Chapter 1, we learn a little bit about Fagin's new personality, now that the “change” has come over him. We also see he can spring into action when opportunity knocks: CHAPTER ONE - TENNESSEE WALTZ


In Chapter 2, Fagin's moral ambiguity deepens, and we are unsure whether or not this is a good guy who does bad things, or a bad guy who does good things.
Should we root for him? CHAPTER TWO - "...there are some crimes...."


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I've been thinking about sequels . I have no idea why. Not talking about a big-budget release, where the number of sequels are preplanned, but rather the more normal kind of sequel, where they keep making movies until they finally lose money.


From my research, I've learned that if you're going to make a movie franchise, there are a few rules you need to follow.


Let's say, for example, you were going to make a movie called PUMPKIN HEAD, about a man who has a tragic accident involving a pumpkin field and a jar of plutonium, and becomes a grotesque villain. Or possibly he fights crime. It really doesn't matter. In fact, the longer your sequels run the more the “bad” guy will actually come to seem heroic and start grudgingly do good things. So, if your first movie were PUMPKIN HEAD, your sequel is obviously PUMPKIN HEAD 2. However, you can't just leave it at that, or audiences will get bored, so you need a catchy subtitle, so it reads something like this: PUMPKIN HEAD 2: STILL CARVIN'.


The third film in your franchise, which is normally considered the last, would be something like PUMPKIN HEAD 3: THE FINAL PATCH. Note that sometimes the third movie is a completely unrelated sequel, having nothing to do with the original characters, in which case you might call it something like PUMPKIN HEAD III: SEASON OF OF THE JACK O' LANTERN.


After the third film it gets a little bit tricky, and you do have options. However, there are some rules you have to follow, and some old standbys that are good ideas. For example, at some point you may want to make a holiday movie, like PUMPKIN HEAD SAVES CHRISTMAS. Later on, when the series is losing popularity, you do a PUMPKIN HEAD X: THE CANDLE SNUFFS OUT . Telling everyone that this is the last movie in your series will ensure that fans come out to see off their hero.


Of course, by no means is this the last movie in the franchise, because inevitably the renewed interest causes producers to climb back up on that

horse. The first movie back usually has “RETURN” in it some how, whether, PUMPKIN HEAD RETURNS or THE RETURN OF PUMPKIN HEAD .


There are a few other rules, including the order or certain titles, and of course what has to be the last movie in the franchise, and for realz, not just a marketing gimmick. Below, I have taken the franchise idea that Koz and I came up with two years ago, EVIL DAVID HASSELHOFF. The plot would revolve around David Hasselhoff, who by day makes the most watched television program in the world and wets young girls, uh, mouths all across Europe. However, by the light of the moon his “evil” side comes out, and he kidnaps maidens fair and ruins their virtue, by singing to them, of course.


Listed are the movies—in order—that I would make. Special thanks to Koz for helping with the title and ordering. Hopefully this gives you an idea for your own movie franchise, and if you care to share, leave your idea in the comments.


  • EVIL DAVID HASSELHOFF
  • EVIL DAVID HASSELHOFF 2: MORE EVILER
  • EVIL DAVID HASSELHOFF 3: BY NIGHT, HE RIDES HER (get it? Also known as EDHIII)
  • SON OF EVIL DAVID HASSELHOFF
  • BRIDE OF EVIL DAVID HASSELHOFF
  • DEATH OF EVIL DAVID HASSELHOFF: THE FINAL CURTAIN CALL
  • RETURN OF EVIL DAVID HASSELHOFF: BACK IN THE HOFF AGAIN
  • EVIL DAVID HASSELHOFF SAVES CHRISTMAS
  • EVIL DAVID HASSELHOFF RIDES AGAIN
  • I WAS A TEENAGE EVIL DAVID HASSELHOFF
  • EVIL DAVID HASSELHOFF VS. MOTHRA


Because once you've faced Mothra, there's really no going on from there.




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Programming Note: The first month of my exile, since I had to flee my home, has now been collected in one post. The link is over on the left in the Archives, or you can find it here. Many of the posts are not yet (and maybe never will be) available on the other sites, so to see what I've been up to along the border and in the Outlaw Camp, check it out.

1 comment:

Schrodinger's Kitten said...

I found our monkey barn motto:

"Because once you've faced Mothra, there's really no going on from there."