Beary Potter

If I told you that today was International Sing in a Store Day, would you believe me?

Yesterday's opening Chapter of our new campfire story (Harry Potter and the Haunted Monkey Barn) was quite the success! We are more than happy to keep things rolling right along, with Dragon's installment:

(Speaking of Harry Potter, I am STRONGLY considering doing a column Friday that speaks to some of the philosophy of the series as well as predictions for Book Seven. As this is a lot of work it might tip the scales in favor of this if many encouraging comments are left by you, to the tune of, "Yes Hyperion, I would love a philosophical Harry column, and I will send you money/beef jerky/'50s nude pin ups for your troubles!")


[Over the weekend Kaida and I started arguing over the World's Greatest Bears. It reminded me that I did a list of Best Bears a couple of years ago, so I resurrected it; with pictures! Looking back, I might have made slightly different choices (I've soured on Winnie), but I can't fault my overall list. (And you better not either, if you know what's good for you.)]

This is one of the very first lists I thought of, but I knew it would be so controversial I wanted to take my time and get it right. There are so many Bears I had to leave off: The Berenstain Bears (great books but c’mon: give them more original names than “Sister” and “Brother”!); Bear Bryant (too many racial problems); the Great Big Bear in Underwear (my very favorite song); the Chicago Bears (nothing good ever comes from Chicago); Little John from Disney’s Robin Hood (you da Man, LJ!); Ursa Major (which clearly would have been the “star” of the list); Barely Legal (even typing this, I can feel my mother glaring somewhere); and my best friend Bear. As you can see, it’s been a tough few weeks. However, I get paid the big bucks to make these decisions, so without further ado I present:


#10 Coca Cola Bear – If there is one thing that binds my brother Achmed and me together—more than our passionate love for Natalie Portman—it is imitating the Coca Cola Bears. Sniff sniff.

#9 Gummy Bears – the candy, not that awful cartoon.

#8 Fozzie Bear – Every time I go to a Chinese restaurant I have this insane desire to run back into the kitchen and yell, ‘Wocka Wocka Wocka!”

#7 Care Bears - Anyone who disagrees with this gets the Care Bear Stare (5-4-3-2-1). Also, asking waitresses to name their favorite Care Bears is a great way to have scads of women descend on your table. Make sure you give me credit.

#6 Paddington/Winnie – Two great English Bears (although in typical Canadian fashion, they claim to have invented Pooh). I was introduced to both at the same time, and while I personally prefer the stories of Paddington (plus that cool blue coat), I recognize the place Winnie holds in many people’s hearts.

#5 Yogi/BooBoo – Single-handedly responsible for reviving pic-a-nics.

#4 Smokey the Bear – “♪♫…howlin’ and a growlin’ and a sniffin’ the air. He can find a fire, before it starts to flame….that’s why they call him Smokey and it’s how he got his name!

#3 Baloo – I live my life searching for someone to call “Li’l Britches.”

#2 The Three Bears – If you think about it, Baby is the star of the show: gets his porridge just the way he wants it, and has a blonde in his bed. If you really want to get trippy, read what Bruno Bettelheim says about this tale.


#1 The Golden Bear – Quite simply, there is no greater Bear in history than Jack Nicklaus. With his final golf tournament recently ended, it seemed fitting tribute, but no matter when this list went up, Jack will always be #1.

[If you'd like to see the original list (to add to the original comments), you can find it here, or you can just go visit Rank Everything for more top ten lists than you can shake a call girl at]


Sparky Duck said...

Easily the #1 bear hands down. Nice call.

I am disappointed in no even honorable mention for the Bear from Bj and the Bear. And, the coke bears needed a tick up or two, but overall no arguements

Anonymous said...

I'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight.