Homer & Lisa

Good morning, and welcome to Simpsons Week! Although we may be interrupted by a giant or two, most things this week will involve that wacky TV family, in leading up to their motion picture debut this Friday.

Today is also International Rum Cake Tossing Day. (Who knew?)


The Monkey Barn Campfire Story (Harry Potter style) rolls back into town today. In case you missed any of last week, here are Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4 and Chapter 5.

Today's installment is written by Dominique. It's a barn-burner!

Harry Potter and the Haunted Monkey Barn - Chapter 6


[Homer and Lisa never get enough face time, so I thought I'd fix that...]


#17 Orphan Talk [Lisa is worried about her science project]
Homer: Lisa, all you need is a little help from your dad.
Lisa: Well, we're supposed to do this without parental help.
Homer: Sweetie, that's orphan talk.

#16 Latin
Lisa: That's Latin dad; the language of Plutarch.
Homer: Mickey Mouse's dog?

#15 Trying...
Lisa: Dad, just for once don't you want to try something new?
Homer: Oh Lisa, trying is just the first step toward failure.

#14 Loneliness...
Lisa: Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?
Homer: Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.

#13 Promises...
Homer: I'll never wiggle my bare butt it public again
Lisa: I'd like to believe that this time, I really would.

#12 Chinese
Lisa: Look on the bright side, Dad. Did you know that the Chinese use the same word for "crisis" as they do for "opportunity"?
Homer: Yes! Cris-atunity.

#11 Reasons
Homer: Two hours? Why'd they build this ghost town so far away?
Lisa: Because they discovered gold right over there.
Homer: It's because they're stupid, that's why. That's why everybody does everything.

#10 Sublimanimal
Lisa: Watch it, Dad, you're the highly suggestible type.
Homer: [in addled complete agreement] Yes, I am the highly suggestible type.

#9 Gamblor!
Lisa: [about her state costume] I'm a monster!
Homer: No, Lisa, you're not a monster. The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother, and I call him Gamblor! We must save your mother from his neon claws!

#8 John Deere
Lisa: I'm studying for the math fair. If I win, I'll get a brand new protractor.
Homer: Too bad we don't live on a farm.

#7 Vassar
Lisa: Oh, if I fail I won't even be able to get into Harvard. (Bitterly): At THIS rate I won’t even get into Vassar.
Homer: I've had just about enough of your Vassar-bashing, young lady!

#6 Muppet
Lisa: Dad, what's a Muppet?
Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, it's not quite a puppet, but man...[laughs hysterically]
Homer: So to answer your question, I don't know.

#5 Whiskey Bottle
Homer: You have to take all that rage and push it down inside to be released at the right moment, like when Daddy hit that referee in the head with a whiskey bottle. Do you remember that honey? When Daddy hit the referee with the whiskey bottle?
Lisa: (small voice) Yeah
Homer: Yeah

#4 Vegetarian
Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

#3 Picking Many a Bean [This one works because of their tones of voice]
Homer: [sarcastic] All right, Lisa, you got your way. Your Mom's going to a psychiatrist. She's going to tell Marge to leave me. It'll break up the family and you'll have to live with your grandmother and pick beans.
Lisa: Dad, I like picking beans with Gramma.
Homer: Well, keep it up, then.
Lisa: [sarcastic] OK, I will.
Homer: Good. You do that.
Lisa: Fine.
You'll be picking many a bean.
Lisa: Hope I do.

#2 Perspicacity
Lisa: Relax? I can't relax. Nor can I yield, relent, or... Only two synonyms? Oh my God, I'm losing my perspicacity. Aaaaa!
Homer: Well, it's always in the last place you look.

And the Number one Homer/Lisa quote….

#1 Rhetorical...
Ma Simpson: [sings] How many roads must a man walk down / Before you can call him a man...

Homer: Seven.
Lisa: No, dad, it's a rhetorical question.
Homer: OK, eight.
Lisa: Dad, do you even know what "rhetorical" means?
Homer: Do “I” know what "rhetorical" means?


Dragon said...

My personal favourite is your #3 Picking Many a Bean.

Sea Hag said...

well, you know what my favorite is.