Ninja Spoonercize


[The week of mighty guest posting rolls on. Today we have the adorable (and quite lethal) Tracy Lynn Kaply of Kaply Inc. Tracy is best known for her charity work with the down-on-their-luck sushi establishments, her best-selling novel "Tit-Punch Your Way to the Top" and her award-winning set of exercise volumes: "Ninja Spoonercize" and "Ninja "Spoonercize 2: Feel the Burn, and not just when you Pee." Miss Kaply has been a member of Monkey Barn for many months now, is a frequent contributor to International Day and has appeared on at least six installments of Girls Gone Wild. We are proud to run her Guest Post Today. (And if you don't like it, for heaven's sake, don't tell her! In fact, you're better off just not making eye contact at all.) – Hyperion]




Well, here we are again. It's Fall, and Hyperion has gone a wandering AGAIN.

That bastard.

He asked me to write a guest post, and even though I can barely write passable drivel for my OWN blog, I agreed to give him a post. Of course, I then procrastinated for a month, but that's just my PROCESS, damnit. RESPECT THE PROCESS!

And as if that weren't enough, then that fucker Hyperion starts talking about WORD COUNTS. WORD COUNTS, PEOPLE. As if I were a WRITER. Geez, Louise. Like I have the time or inclination or the dank basement in which to sit while counting out every single word I type. Girl, please.

And he's all "Between 300 and 3000 words" and I'm all "AS IF, DUDE" because, really, I know he does that, but with my attention span, he's lucky I can remember the password to my blogger account, which I actually can't, but let us not digress.

PLUS I'm using Word for the first time, and don't sneer at me like that, why would I need to use Word, fer crissake? I AM NOT A WRITER. I mainly write lists and mean notes to the neighbors, and for those kinds of things, Word is overkill. I use Notebook, damnit. And Word, like much of the Office Suite, is about as far from intuitive as you can get, damn you, Microsoft!

So, what I am trying to say is that this has been as far from a walk in the blogosphere as it is possible to be. Plus, I am not at all sure that I can get away with the kind of low grade crap I foist on my loyal readers, here, at the Institute.

This spellcheck sucks.

Ok, deep breath.

*breathe*

Did I mention that I just quit smoking?

That might be altering my perceptions just a wee bit. Damnit.

I'm going to go sit in the corner and concentrate of my breathing. You guys just go ahead without me, ok? I'll catch up later.

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