Purple Wolves & Angry Penguins

[Still very injured, but that hasn't stopped me from caring about you. I managed to crank this list out before pain overwhelmed me. Also, if you see a Fed-Ex truck, you may shanghai it on my authority. My sandals were supposed to arrive Saturday. Hyperion is very sad. Not that they'd fit on my swollen ankles, but still....]



I was looking for words that are oft mispronounced and instead found my way to words that have no rhyme. (Well, none without cheating.) So I decided to do a list on those words instead. As any would-be poet or song-writer knows, rhyming is hard! Here is a list of words to stay away from. (Unfortunately, as is the nature of the list, these words arehella-great, meaning you're more likely to WANT to use them, but you can't have everything.)

Honorable Mention
- width; sixth; transfer; sanction; pedant; pint; ninth; month; luggage; justice; hostage; glimpsed; fugue; empty; elbow; different; depth; anxious; angst; breadth; citrus; caveat; bulb; neutron; office; cannabis; citizen; engine;



THE TOP TWENTY WORDS THAT DON'T RHYME




#20 Plankton - This has to be one of the most underused words of our day. How there isn't a software company or a line of eco-toys with the Plankton brand is beyond me.


#19 Chimney - How come Chimney never became a sexual metaphor? (And to what would it refer?)


#18 Angry - I'm pretty sure Angry is also one of only three words that end in "gry." (The other two words are in this parenthetical.)



#17 Aspirin - This only makes it because both of my ankles are currently the size of Valencia oranges. (Foreshadowing!)



#16 Bachelor - Remember when "Bachelor" used to mean something other than "show where 20 women make all women look horrible"? (Do you think those gals are just concerned for themselves, or for the plight of all women? 'Cuz, recently it has been brought to my attention that women put their gender above their own needs.)



#15 Penguin - I find myself shocked penguins have not become nouveau riche pets yet. This will absolutely happen: trust me.



#14 Reptile - Why aren't more kids named Reptile? That just sounds like a tough name, right?



#13 Silver - Not only is there one Silver. There was only one David Silver. Has there ever been a more talented white hip-hop musician? (BTW: wouldn't it have been cool if Brian Austin-Green played the Silver Surfer?)



#12 Circus - Backstage at a Circus would make a really great sitcom, n'est pas? You have the clown, the animal trainer, the freaks, the ring master. I need to work on this.



#11 Chaos - I have a theory about this word....but by the time you read it the whole thing might be different.




#10 Film - I always wonder if we should make new words when technology changes their medium. For example, I spent five years trying to popularize "Dij phones" when phones went from cellular to digital before giving up.



#9 Galaxy - This is another word that would make a great girl's name. Also, any band would be better with "galaxy" in their name. or "monkey." Or "wizard." In fact, "Galaxy Monkey Wizards" would be such a great band name, I bet their entire audience would die diddling themselves over the name. (Yeah: I went there.)



#8 Orange - An essential part of the best knock-knock joke EVER! Also the best present you can get a one-year old. Trust me. They'll care not for Fisher-Price. They'll love the orange.



#7 Iron - With all seriousness, I would vote for ANY presidential candidate if he gave himself the nickname "iron." Tell me you wouldn't vote for "Iron Duncan Hunter" or "Iron Bill Richardson." You would!



#6 Purple - This is why purple is so awesome: If ever there is a choice of flavors and you're not sure what to select: ALWAYS go with purple! Can't go wrong.



#5 Olive - I'm leaning toward declaring it nature's perfect food. (Which makes the fact that Popeye's GF shares the name all the more galling.)




#4 Wolf - Another great nickname. Barack "the Wolf" Obama? Fred "the Wolf" Thompson? Yeah, baby!




#3 Pizza - I think Pizza's anti-rhyming status actually gives it great powers. Who's with me?




#2 Shadow - True confession time: how many of you have ever stopped to try to remember whether it's "shadow of the valley of death" or "valley of the shadow of death"? 'Fess up!

and the number one word that has no rhyme is............



#1 Monster - There are all kinds of monsters in this world: and I love every one of 'em.


[Wanna see more rankings? This list and many others can be found at Rank Everything. Tell 'em Hyperion sent you, and you'll get a good seat!]

3 comments:

rennratt said...

# 8 is a common misconception.

SPORANGE rhymes with orange.

Yes, it's a real word.

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/sporange

Feel better, man.

Hyperion said...

I considered the case of sporange (I actually think this stuff over way more than I ought), and rejected it for the following reasons:

A) Sporange is not in most dictionaries, and has not gained wide acceptence.

B) Sporange is short for Sporangium, and Hyperion is suspicious of shortened words

C) Sporangium is itself a botanical term, and Hyperion is anti-botany.

But I 'preciate you keeping me on my toes! You're the only one who even thought of one possible objection! Ten cool points for you (redeemable on all non-blackout dates at participating Institute stores).

Bear said...

There is a gladiator in the new American Gladiators show named "Wolf".