Pirates vs. Ninja (sexy version)

As tomorrow is International Pirates vs. Ninja Day, I thought it only appropriate that we pull out the Top Ten lists. (Please do not let another minute gone by until you have gone there and left a comment!) This also gave me an excuse to post pictures of sexy pirates and sexy ninja. If anyone complains, I'll simply say that I am trying to change the holiday up a bit, to keep it from being the same old pirates vs. ninja. After all, if there's anything cooler than watching a pirate fight a ninja, it's watching a pirate fighting a ninja and hoping some clothes get ripped off!

Back when the holiday was created I asked Lady Jane Scarlett to write up a list of the Top Ten Reasons Pirates were better than Ninja, as well as a list of best pirates. I asked Kapgar to do the same, but taking the Ninja position. They came up with some pretty great stuff. Enjoy!

Top ten reasons why pirates are better than ninja

{List created by Lady Jane Scarlett}

10. The frilly shirts belie their cold heart and guts of steel. Plus, they are cooler when it is summertime because all the ruffles better catch the warm summer breeze.

9. Pierced ears are cool. In moments of great need, pirates melt down their earrings and mold it into bullets.

8. Nowhere is there a statement in the pirate code of conduct that rum is forbidden.

7. Pirates are obviously more intelligent, as evidenced by their overwhelming support for Jean-Luc Picard.

6. Pirates have first-mates, who also can kick ninja butt.

5. Their mode of transportation is way cool. Big boats…with guns...and lots of rum! How can jumping from tree to tree beat that?

4. Pirate gear is made for all-purpose butt kicking. Check out the peg leg, the hook, the eyepatch, the talking parrot, the SWORDS!

3. Swashbucking just sounds fun

2. It is always more fun spending other people’s money, especially if obtained through ill‑gotten means

1. Making your enemies walk the plank will make you feared amongst your enemies, loved amongst your fellow pirates, and big smash with the ladies.

[As a bonus, Lady Jane told me that "Now that I've established how much cooler pirates are than Ninja, I should tell the Readers who the best pirates are." And she did:]

Top Ten Pirates ever!

10. Shawn Fanning. aka “the Napster dude”.

9. Captain Morgan. Great provider of Pirate Rum

8. Blackbeard

7. Anne Bonny. Let’s hear it for the ladies (for more, see Anne Bonny's Bio.)

6. The Dread Pirate Roberts

5. Captain Hook

4. Robin Hood-ok ok. So he didn’t have a ship, or an eyepatch. But he stole booty with the best of ‘em!

3. Sir Francis Drake. With the name Francis, he must have been a most excellent pirate! (For more see Sir Francis Drake's Bio.)

2. One-eyed Willy. Those booby traps were awesome eh?

[Hyperion's Note: Not having seen GOONIES, I had no idea who "One Eyed Willy" was. The only time I'd ever heard the expression was vulgar slang for....well, you figure it out.]

1. Captain Jack Sparrow!

Top ten reasons why ninja are better than pirates

{List created by Kapgar }

10. Gods of timeless fashion. Black never goes out of style.

9. Did you ever hear Jerry Seinfeld whine, "but I don't wanna be a ninja"? Nope. 'Nuff said.

8. Cooler weapons. And more of them. And they know how to use them. Pirates have swords, but very few seem to know how to use them. At least Hollywood would have you believe that.

7. As I said on my site, "butt ninja" was never an insult bandied about by high school jocks, now was it?

6. Did G.I. Joe ever have a pirate action figure? I don't think so. Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes would've just kicked his ass for no reason other than they could.

5. Remember that scene in The Bodyguard with the katana slicing cleanly through a silk scarf that floated down on it? Yeah, they're that sharp. Now if only Whitney had pushed a little. And he had pushed back. "Cut! Our leads are dead. That's a wrap, folks."

4. Kill Bill never could have happened with pirates. Seri0usly.

3. Ninja are the ultimate mystery. While pirates may use their garishness to scare people, ninja use their mystique.

2. Pirates rely on stories of fear told by survivors to carry on their legend; ninja leave bloodied, headless corpses as their calling card. Which is more fearsome?

and the number 1 reason why ninja are cooler than samurai...

1. You'll never hear an actor claim that Keith Richards was the inspiration for their portrayal of a ninja in a movie.

[Hyperion's Note: Kapgar also did a Top Ten Ninja list, but somehow it got destroyed in transfer. If I can get it back I'll post it. In the meantime, here is a collection of well known awesome Ninja. If you don't know at least 6 of them you suck. (And no, Raphael is not included. He's cool, but rude.)]


If that's not enough for you, a few years ago Ajax made a great list of the Best Pirate Movies ever made.

If you get the Chance, I hope you check out the Monkey Barn Tattoo Art Show we had last week. There was some pretty crazy stuff!

And you simply must check out this insane version of the Picture of the Day.

And if that's STILL not enough, Carny wrote a story a few years ago that featured both Ninja AND pirates. You'll find it on the Carnivus page.

See you Monday!

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