Deadly Sins

Several things have happened recently that desperately require comment.

First of all, congratulations to Ana Ivanovic for her French Open victory. In the hopes of boosting the popularity of women’s tennis (and bringing badly needed attention to the Yugoslavian situation), I offer a couple of Ana pics. Could she be the hottest tennis player of all time? I’m working on a top ten list as we speak.


Monkey Barn has a couple of monstrously huge things happening recently. For the Barn’s 2000th post, we unleashed Monkey Barn 3.0.

And Dragon, one of our Barners, has dropped a stupendously awesome post about a dinner party she hosted: a Seven Deadly Sins Meal. If you like amazing food, or you just like sin, you HAVE to check this out.


This week’s International Days (which you can learn more about here:)

June 9 – International Shun Deodorant Day

June 10 – International Just Do It Day

June 11 – International Pickle Hurling Day

June 12 – International News Radio Day

June 13 – International Reminisce your first joy Day

June 14 – International You Poke It, You Own It Day

June 15 – International Phobia Day


So, the Belmont happened Saturday. Another year, another disappointment in the hope for a Triple Crown.

(Speaking of the Triple Crown watch, I tried to get my brother to watch the Belmont. it led to an interesting conversation.)

Before we go any further, congratulations to Da' Tara, who ran an amazing race.

As you may or may not know, Big Brown lost the Belmont, and no one is really sure why. Sometimes horses just refuse to perform inexplicably, which got me to thinking:
Are women a lot like horses?
I have been asking people all weekend, and have so far come up with several possible analogous points involving the usual. (Tempermental moods, the need for a saddle, preoccupation with footwear, the effectiveness of whispering in the ear, constant hair brushing, Sarah Jessica Parker (oh wait; that's how women LOOK like a horse), and of course the occasional need to use the whip.) But I don't have enough for a Top Ten list! So, help me out. In the comments, I want to know how women are like horses.

And since I can't give you that top ten, here's a Top ten from several years ago: names I would give a race horse:


#15 Mr. Buffalo – Based on this column; tell me it wouldn’t make a great name for a race horse.

#14 Dominion Over Everything Totally Sweet – this is what Ninjas have, and I just think it would rock

#13 If I had twin horses, I’d call them “Rock and Roll All Night” & “Party Ev Er Eee Day”

#12 Tobias the River Midget – This would be a great name if he was one of those smaller overachieving horses with a heart of gold, like Seabiscuit, or Julia Roberts. Just kidding (she's not small)

#11 Swagina – If only to make some old blueblood broad blush (say that five times fast)

#10 Monkey Barn – Who wouldn’t support a horse called Monkey Barn? No one, that’s who!

#9 Pocket Full O' Ghandi - In honor of Schrodinger

#8 That’s a Paddlin! – You have to have at least one Simpsons reference. Is there a better one? [Editor's 2008 note. I just realized "Perpetual Motion Machine" would be a better Simpsons' reference, and from the same episode! ]

(this is actually Hyperion the race horse. Pretty sweet, huh?)

#7 When Doves Cry – My understanding (and with Prince, it’s always tenuous) is that doves cry when something is so beautiful. Well, what if my horse was that great?

#6 Sofa King Studly – I’ll let you figure it out

#5 Chicken Biscuit – When I lived in Georgia, whenever Koz or Bear and I would bet, we would be a Chick-Fil-A chicken biscuit. If I were going to bet on a horse, this would be a good omen. [2008 note: I now live in Georgia again, and the only food name I can think of better than Chicken Biscuit would be Chocolate Pudding Pop. I would travel like a groupie to see that horse.]

#4 Carnivus Kickassius – The greatest friend the Institute ever had, and would be a kick ass racing name

#3 Lord of Chaos – This will only make sense to Robert Jordan fans, but would make a great horse name.

#2 Adashar - This was the bad guy in one of Carny's stories. I've loved the word ever since, so much so that I put it in my movie

and the number one name I would use if I had a horse in the Kentucky Derby

1. Jedi Money – This name is so good, it makes me want to get rich just to buy a horse. I bet he’d win even if I was riding him!

Who'd be better to ride: Big Brown, Da' Tara, or Ana Ivanovic?


Lady Jane Scarlett said...

Nice blog post ;) said you wanted comments.

Hyperion said...

How is Lady Jane Scarlett like a horse? Once broken, she rides real nice.