Official State Dinosaurs

When I found out that States have Official Dinosaurs, I was quite pleased. I mean, how scratch is that? Then I found out that only 6 states (and D.C., for some reason) have bothered to get their own dinosaur.

Not scratch, people!

I think every state needs an official dinosaur. There are several states (like Montana, New Mexico, Oklahoma, South Dakota, and Utah) who have dinosaurs as their official fossils**, but no dinosaur. What are they waiting on? Then there's the sad sate of Arizona, which would have one, but the Arizona State Legislature couldn't get the bill passed. You know what they say; "Dinosaurs and Politicians make strange bedfellows."

**There is a simply staggering amount of "Official State _____." One could get cynical, but luckily for me, I get countless rankings ideas out of it.

Anyway, be there only seven Official State Dinosaurs, we still should rank them. Why? Because I are awesome, that's why! (Dinosaurs too.)


#7 Capitalsaurus (District of Columbia) – Like many dinosaurs (and don’t be shocked by this you neophytes), a full skeleton of a Capitalsaurus has never been found. In fact, only one part of one bone (part of a vertebrae) has EVER been found on this creature, leading some to believe it is not a different genus, but rather an undetermined theropod. I choose to find it ironic that they classified the official Dinosaur of D.C. by part of the backbone. How’d they even know what that looked like?

#6 Hadrosaurus (New Jersey) – Thought to be a hadrosaurid, even though no head has ever been found for one. That seems pretty fitting; New Jersey is forever running into trouble identifying bodies without a head.

#5 Pleurocoelus (Texas) – There is at least a 88% chance this is really an Astrodon (coming later), but I ranked this dude lower because in the picture I found he’s getting harrassed by the younger hungier dinosaur. That’s no way for a Texan to act!

#4 Hypsibema (Missouri) – to be honest, I’m not the world’s biggest fan of this thing, but I ranked it higher because of the possibility it was named after me. Another one of the “find a bone; create a genus” dubious dinos, I instead turn to the discoverer, Edward Drinker Cope. What a great name! Do you think his friends EVER stopped making fun of him? No wonder he invented dinosaurs.

#3 Stegosaurus (Colorado) – Most Steggies have been found in North America, but recently one skeleton was unearthed in Portugal, leading many scientists to conclude the Stegosaurus was in Europe too. However, I find it much more likely that the Stegosaurus—which may have had two brains—developed the use of small temporal Worm Holes for relatively short-range travel.

#2 Astrodon (Maryland) – Astro was an herbivore, so I’m not sure what he’s doing chomping on that other critter there, but at 30 feet high and 60 feet long, he could pretty much do whatever he wanted. And since I have nothing else to add, wouldn’t it be cool if the Mafia came to Houston, and the guy in charge became known as the Astro Don, and this thing was his personal symbol? That’s not just organized crime, it’s entertainment!

#1 Triceratops (Wyoming) – Always Hyperion’s favorite dinosaurs growing up, and though in his teen years he was enticed with the cruelty of the giant meat-eaters, he never forgot his first love. Interestingly, recent experiments suggest (strongly) that the Triceratops would have found it impossible to “attack” with his three horns, as we were taught growing up. Instead, if attacked, the Tricey would likely stand his ground and use the tusks to gore, along with that cool-ass ridge thing he has. In actuality, the horns were likely for courtship ritual. No wonder I liked him so much. Look how big and long those horns are! Beasts of a feather…..

If Jesus gets a raptor-baby, why can't I have one?


lost goddess said...

How is it that "scientist" never guesstimate the design and placement of Dino genitalia? I mean they seem agree these animals are not asexual. Are we so scare of our own genitalia that pretend these things do not exist? Or are they saying it is not scientifically significant?

Lady Jane Scarlett said...

I wonder if that photo of Jesus hugging a dino is up at the Creationism theme parks? Can I get the t-shirt?

Afterall, everyone knows that Baby Jesus loves dinos and watches over NASCAR drivers.

Bohemian in Korea said...

Honestly the whole viviparous and ovoviviparous thing always leaves me lost. Fortunately The Bohemian wandered back into my life and he promises he will explain it to me.


Hyperion said...

Lost Goddess - I'm with you. More "Dino Dicks"!!!

Lady Jane Scarlett - Once you understand that the word "lamb" has been mistranslated (it should be raptor), I think the rest of the Bible makes much more sense.

Bohemian - Ovoviparity (you added one syllable) means having eggs (like oviparous), but those eggs hatch internally, rather than externally. Sharks or snakes, for example, are Ovoviparous, while birds are oviparous. Pretty neat, huh? (And Great to have you back.)

Lady Jane Scarlett said...

I'm sure if I substituted 'raptor' in several great theological tomes, my worldview would be for the better.

Some ideas?

The Tao of Raptor
The Raptor Sutras
Tuesdays with Raptor

Great idea Hyperion! :)

Fujur said...

Jesus and the Raptor... extraordinary picture!! ;-)

Hyperion said...

Thank you!