Tennis Hotness

I was sad to see #1 seed (and Wimbledon Champ) Ana Ivanovic lose her U.S. Open tennis match yesterday. I think I speak for everyone when I say we need to see more of her, not less. to MissIvanovic up, I thought I would rank the hottest tennis players of all time. There is a good chance she'll make the list, I'm betting.

(Special note: while I fully acknowledge that Serena Williams has one of the most incredible bodies of all time, she is not included here because deep in every man's heart is the fear that Serena was born a man. The woman is just freaky athletic, and that's not her fault, but we just cannot take that chance.)


#10 Gisela Dulko - You already know more about her than I do. (If she every wins anything and they make a TV movie of her life, LeeLee Sobieski could totally play her, huh?)

#9 Tatiana Golovin - I think "Tatiana" is one of the prettiest names of all time.

#8 Chris Evert - Why don't tennis players wear THOSE outfits??? I bet they'd get lots more viewership.

#7 Daniela Hauntuchova - she may not look the hottest of these pictures, but Daniela might be the best "in-game hottie." In particular, she had a habit of dousing her entire body with water during breaks.

#6 Billie Jean King - Just kidding. (By the way, don't ever let anyone fool you about that so-called Battle of the Sexes in 1973 with Bobby Riggs. Riggs was 55 at the time, while King was 29.) Women tennis players are awesome enough, but the greatest tennis player of all time (SteffiGraf ) wouldn't make the top 100 of Men's in her era. It's simply a matter of how hard they hit. No shame in that. By the way. I would like to apologize again for havingBJK make this list. I owe Monica Seles an apology too.

#5 Gabriela Sabatini - a classic of the late '80s and early '90s; frequently mistaken for Gloria Estefan. Wait a minute, now that I think about it, have they ever been seen in the same place?

#4 Maria Sharapova - the dominant force in hot women athletes since the demise of AK. Plus, she actually wins. A lot.

#3 Sania Mirza - I'm just going to come out and say it. With the possible exception of Sweden and Portugal, India just produces the best looking people on the planet.

#2 Ana Ivanovic - Michael Wilbon called her the hottest female athlete of all time. It's getting hard to disagree.

and the hottest tennis player of all time is.....

#1 Anna Kournikova - What can you say? The Global Icon. At one point Anna Kounikova and Britney Spears accounted for something like 50% of all Internet traffic. I kid you not. Kournikova never won anything, but her sex appeal made her the first female athlete to hit mega stardom outside of the clean-cut Olympian pixies. There will never be a larger percentage of American men care about women's sports than they did during the time of Anna. That's gotta be worth something.

One more thing: before you send me letters and emails complaining about how I am being sexist and judging women for how they look rather than their athletic ability, can I just ask that you judge me by my full record. Look through my archives; a more ardent feminist you will not find. If you do insist in hate mail, please include a picture so I know whether to pay any attention to your arguments or not.

Just kidding, bitches. I love you all.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

01 00 06 - Perfectly Accurate