MLB Wish List


#10 The Washington Lobbyists – The first time a team was in D.C. they were the Washington Senators, but if you want a team to radiate power, the Lobbyists would make a much better choice.

#9 The Florida/Arizona Geezers – Frankly, this flat out needs to happen. Old people are one of our most valued resources. If not the Geezers, how about the Snow Birds, or the Aarps?

#8 The St. Louis the XIVths – With baseball players’ infamous status as womanizers, one hopes none learn the history of this guy. (Look how he's petting that girl!)

#7 The San Diego Carmens/ Houston Whitneys – Where is Rockapella when you need them? For that matter, wouldn’t you love to see Rockapella and Bobby Brown team up for something.

#6 The Minnesota Fats – Greatest pool player of all time deserves a team named after him.

#5 The Atlanta Rocs – Here’s my theory: Atlanta has three other teams named after power bird: The Hawks, the Falcons and the Thrashers. (I have no idea what a Thrasher is but I’ve seen the logo: it’s a bird.) Atlanta could do them all one better, and pick the ultimate power bird. Rocs rule!

#4 The New York Nine – This just sounds cool and mysterious. (And to the unedumacated, nine baseball players take the field and bat.) Plus: Babe Ruth was #3 and Mickey Mantle was #6….Ooooooooh (The team is so mysterious, they don't even have a logo!)

#3 The San Francisco Switch Hitters – You know, because there are switch hitters in baseball, if you know what I mean. (And what I mean is players who bat from both sides of the plate. What did you think I meant?)

#2 The Miami Sound Machine – C’mon, you know the rhythm is going to get you! Or, even better (and I just thought of this): The Miami Vice! Can’t you just picture the pastel uniforms, sleeves pushed up, cleats with no socks? Me too.

And the number one team name trend baseball should adopt:

#1 The Boston Cream Pies/ Chicago Deep Dish – Who wouldn’t support a team with such tasty names? Nobody, that’s who! Can’t you just picture the mascot for the Deep Dish? (Note: The plural of Deep Dish is not Deep Dishes, but much like Fish, just Deep Dish.) Can’t you just hear the cheer? “Go Deep!” Come to think of it: that’s my own personal cheer, if you know what I mean. (And I mean I like Deep Dish Pizza. What’d you think I meant?)

Honorable Mention: The Winners – This one is from my dad, who’s a fan of positive thinking. Plus, they could be sponsored by the Clothing store to draw in female fans.

[This was originally posted on Rank Everything]

I would slaughter a family for some Boston Cream Pie OR Deep Dish Pizza

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