Roses Are....







Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Rainbows are Pretty
And so...

Wait. I'm sorry. I can't do this.  
Violets are NOT Blue. Violets are Purple,
and lying in Poem is the 2nd worst form of lying* there is. 
We have to start over. 


Roses are Red
Violets are Purple
On my pancakes
I like ma...

Wait. Stop.  Please.  Again, I'm sorry, but we can't do this. 
Nothing rhymes with Purple. I did my homework.  
Also, Violets are really...Violet, you know?  I'm pretty sure 
that's where the word came from, though I'd have to look it up. 
Let's try this again. 


Roses are Red
Violets are Violet
The hole for your shoelaces
Is called an eyelet

Okay, I don't mean to poop on your party**
I don't mean to whiz on your wake
I don't mean to hurl on your hootenanny
Not trying to come between you and your clambake:
But this isn't working. 
First - that poem was Boring with a capital Algore. 
Second - Roses get to be content with the primal color "Red"
but Violets not only have to be Purple (a derivative of Red), 
they can't even be Purple, but have to be a specific kind of Purple. 
Look at it from the Violet's point of view:
It IS a Violet. Probably gets pretty tired of being described AS Violet;
knowwhatimean?
In fact, why do Roses get to go first anyway?***
Stupid Roses, thinking they are better than anyone else. 
I say, let's let Violets go first!  
Don't like that? 
WELL WHO ASKED YOU???
I'm getting tired of this whole damn thing. 
Let's finish this. 


VIOLETS ARE PURPLE
ROSES ARE RED
AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT
I WILL KILL YOU - KILL YOU DEAD!







* Worst form of lying - through Song (I HATE when that happens!)

** rejected fluid/gathering metaphors: shit on your shindig, fart on your feast, spooge on your splurge

*** okay, technically Rosebuds get to go first (and last, if you're Charles Foster Kane), but you know what I mean




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